Is the Earth Really Flat?

(This post is dedicated to my good friend and confidant Nikki... one day lady, one day!)

Have you ever been romantically conversing with a man whom you thought was magnificent? Your face illuminated when his number appeared on your phone, your eyes sparkled whenever he entered the room, and Heaven never existed when his attention was utterly on you? But then (of course) one ill fated day, he just disappears? He ceases to answer your messages, becomes devoid of communication, and all the while you analyze every fiber and detail of what possibly went arye. He has fallen off the face of the earth.

My friend Nikki and I have grown accustom to using this pharse:

"I don't understand. We talked everyday on the phone, we had a great night last weekend, he asked what I was doing tonight, then BOOM! He falls off the face of the earth."

"He keeps telling me how attracted he is to me, he wants to get together, he makes plans with me, then BOOM! He falls off the face of the earth."

In fact, we have become so familiar with this infamous disappearing act we no longer use words; just a simple lean back body gesture with arms and legs flailing wildly in the air. It seems one by one our close friends are rooting some great catches on the male front, none of which have fallen. Why us?

This "falling off the earth" business just proves most men's immaturity and incapability to respect a woman by gracefully declining her informal invitations to get together. Many feel ignorance to the situation produces the best solution. True or False: All of those rejectful words will go unsaid and save a heart from breaking if we choose the path of ignorace. FALSE! Actually gentlemen, our feelings become fatally damaged with no response. We find ourselves stranded in pugatory wondering what the hell happened to you. The healing process prolongs itself as our brains work towards figuring out why you drifted. Just tell us point blank you no longer wish to see us. Sure, we will be crushed at first,  but a day later we will be continuing the man hunt with no recollection of your name.

Unfortunately "falling off the earth" commenced an extremely long time ago, when the earth was actually preceived to be a hazard. Back in the early 1400's sea captains and explorers would tell their beloveds, "I'm shipping out to sea darling, and if you no longer receive word  from me, it is because the earth is flat and I have fallen off." These simple women, with no disproof to this theory, ate these lies up. And when their husbands, fiances, or boyfriends never contacted, they tearfully told everyone in town "I haven't heard word from him in months. He must have fallen off the earth." Truth be told, these smart gents probably set up camp on some tropical island with beautiful, foreign locals taking care of their sexual fantasies and needs. Of course one man ruined the mind set for many women by falsifying the earth's flatness. Christopher Colombus showed women around the world that their men were not physically falling off the earth; they simply could not convey, "I don't want to see you anymore."

Well centuries later we know Colombus' theory to be accurate, yet men are still finding ways to fall off the earth leaving thousands of women in unnecessary mourning. Just step up. We will respect you more and be less broken hearted if you simply TELL THE TRUTH! Tell us you no longer wish to see us, tell us what you felt before is gone. We may hate you in the beginning. We may bash you to all of our girlfriends over Friday night cocktails. But honey trust me... come Saturday night... we will have thrown you off the face of our earth!